so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ttyl tear gas
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
