Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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