if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
