U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
