So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
