They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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