no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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