Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
