I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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