I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
