best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
