went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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