I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
