I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
