Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
