Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
