The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
