Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
