I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
