i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
