wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
