If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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