He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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