I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
