Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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