I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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