So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize