24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
