Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
