Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
