Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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