goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
