I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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