He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
