i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
