Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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