I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
