you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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