the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
