oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize