she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
