So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
