just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
