Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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