You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
