Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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