No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize