I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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