he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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