she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
