Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
