I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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