she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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