I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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