weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
