my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize