I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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