Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
