He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
