I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
