Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
